Posted by LOL on June Tue 19th 6:18 PM - Never Expires
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  1. Will Ferrel Parody ‏@FillWerrell
  2. Shut up before I Tiger Woods your wife, Casey Anthony your kid, Michael Vick your dog, and Chris Brown your sister.
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  5. 37m Will Ferrel Parody ‏@FillWerrell
  6. The 4 stages of life: 1) You believe in Santa Claus 2) You don't believe in Santa Claus 3) You are Santa Claus 4) You look like Santa Claus
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  9. 56m Will Ferrel Parody ‏@FillWerrell
  10. Everyone has an annoying friend, If you can't think of one, then you are the annoying friend.
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  13. 1h Will Ferrel Parody ‏@FillWerrell
  14. I can't believe what Megan Fox, Obama, and Selena Gomez used to look like! Check out there yearbook photos here: http://ow.ly/bGWUx #sp
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  17. 1h Will Ferrel Parody ‏@FillWerrell
  18. Liquor stores are open 24/7 when you have a brick
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  21. 1h Will Ferrel Parody ‏@FillWerrell
  22. That moment when the floor is more comfortable than the bed.
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  25. 1h Will Ferrel Parody ‏@FillWerrell
  26. Never trust a man in a wheelchair with dirty shoes.
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  29. 2h Will Ferrel Parody ‏@FillWerrell
  30. *home alone* Thoughts = Partyyyyy!!!! Reality = Peeing with door open.
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  33. 2h Will Ferrel Parody ‏@FillWerrell
  34. here's a bit of advice: advi
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  37. 2h Will Ferrel Parody ‏@FillWerrell
  38. LOOK LEFT ------------------------> you failed.
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  41. 3h Will Ferrel Parody ‏@FillWerrell
  42. Change Facebook name to "No One" . Like peoples status's
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  45. 3h Will Ferrel Parody ‏@FillWerrell
  46. Call Dominos Pizza and ask them for Pizza Hut's number.
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  49. 3h Will Ferrel Parody ‏@FillWerrell
  50. The best place to hide a body is on page 2 of google's search results.
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  53. 4h Will Ferrel Parody ‏@FillWerrell
  54. Go to China on honey moon and get intimate. Tell your child they were "Made in China"
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  57. 4h Will Ferrel Parody ‏@FillWerrell
  58. That smell. A kind of smelly smell. The smelly smell that smells...smelly. Retweet if you know where this is from!!!
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  61. 4h Will Ferrel Parody ‏@FillWerrell
  62. Who else brushes their teeth 2,311,246 times before going to the dentist
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  65. 5h Will Ferrel Parody ‏@FillWerrell
  66. Dont drink and drive. You may hit a bump and spill your beer.
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  69. 5h Will Ferrel Parody ‏@FillWerrell
  70. What if the Mayan Calendar actually ends in 5105 but we have just been reading it upside down this whole time..
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  73. 5h Will Ferrel Parody ‏@FillWerrell
  74. Welcome to Hollister would you like a gas mask, flashlight, or earplugs?
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  77. 6h Will Ferrel Parody ‏@FillWerrell
  78. Admit it. We all honestly wish Plankton would succeed so we could find out the secret formula too.
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  81. 6h Will Ferrel Parody ‏@FillWerrell
  82. Shout out to all the plumbers going through shit
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  85. 6h Will Ferrel Parody ‏@FillWerrell
  86. You inspire my inner serial killer.
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  89. 7h Will Ferrel Parody ‏@FillWerrell
  90. Boobs are a lot like the sun. You can take quick glances but wear sun glasses and you can look until the world ends.
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  93. 7h Will Ferrel Parody ‏@FillWerrell
  94. It must suck when Emily Elizabeth has to clean up Clifford's shit.
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  97. 7h Will Ferrel Parody ‏@FillWerrell
  98. Once you go asian you'll never miss an equation
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  101. 8h Will Ferrel Parody ‏@FillWerrell
  102. Found out today your suppost to urinate on a jellyfish sting, not a jelly stain. Sorry lady at waffle house... just trying to help.
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  105. 20h Will Ferrel Parody ‏@FillWerrell
  106. Which person from Jersey Shore graduated from college with a 3.9GPA? Check out these facts about the cast here: http://ow.ly/bEZlH #sp
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  109. 20h Will Ferrel Parody ‏@FillWerrell
  110. I love it when I sit down to take a nice, relaxing poop, and my butt is like,"NEVERMIND, RELEASE THE KRAKEN."
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  113. 20h Will Ferrel Parody ‏@FillWerrell
  114. I wish I could 'dislike' peoples lives on Facebook.
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  117. 20h Will Ferrel Parody ‏@FillWerrell
  118. Cum on guys. Gay sex jokes aren't funny.
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  121. 21h Will Ferrel Parody ‏@FillWerrell
  122. Haha these horrible autocorrects ruined these couples relationships! #3 has me LOL-ing! See them here: http://ow.ly/bEZcF #sp
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  125. 21h Will Ferrel Parody ‏@FillWerrell
  126. *Food hits floor* Little germs: GET IT!!! King Germ: NO! We must wait 5 seconds!
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  129. 21h Will Ferrel Parody ‏@FillWerrell
  130. That mysterious toothbrush in the bathroom that no one in your family uses.
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  133. 21h Will Ferrel Parody ‏@FillWerrell
  134. If I throw a stick, will you go away?
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  137. 22h Will Ferrel Parody ‏@FillWerrell
  138. Girls, there's a fine line between wearing make-up or just looking like you got gang banged by Crayola.
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  141. 22h Will Ferrel Parody ‏@FillWerrell
  142. Whoever said "you can't fold a piece of paper in half 8 times" has clearly never seen me wipe my ass with the last sheet of toilet paper
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  145. 22h Will Ferrel Parody ‏@FillWerrell
  146. Ice cube http://instagr.am/p/MCZ-gYx58o/
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  149. 22h Will Ferrel Parody ‏@FillWerrell
  150. Twitter Over Capacity? Rick Ross must have logged in
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  153. 23h Will Ferrel Parody ‏@FillWerrell
  154. Sometimes when I play Grand Theft Auto, I like to just drive around and obey the law. LOL JK I love running grandmas over
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  157. 23h Will Ferrel Parody ‏@FillWerrell
  158. Every person has the right to ink their own body but these tattoos are ridiculous! What was #2 thinking!? See here: http://ow.ly/bEZ0k #sp
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  161. 23h Will Ferrel Parody ‏@FillWerrell
  162. What do you call a muslim man flying a plane? A pilot you fucking racist
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  165. 23h Will Ferrel Parody ‏@FillWerrell
  166. Opening the shower curtain before peeing at night to make sure there's not a murderer in the bathtub.
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  169. 19 Jun Will Ferrel Parody ‏@FillWerrell
  170. I'm curious if China has fancy plates called America.
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  173. 19 Jun Will Ferrel Parody ‏@FillWerrell
  174. My next door neighbor's battery went dead in his Smart car today. I had to give him a jump start from my iPod.
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  177. 19 Jun Will Ferrel Parody ‏@FillWerrell
  178. If the caller I.D. reads "unavailable", then so am I.
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  181. 19 Jun Will Ferrel Parody ‏@FillWerrell
  182. LOL! The next time I have homework I am definitely doing THIS: http://ow.ly/bEYM7 #sp
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  185. 19 Jun Will Ferrel Parody ‏@FillWerrell
  186. I love your hair. "aww thank you!, I grew it myself!"
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  189. 19 Jun Will Ferrel Parody ‏@FillWerrell
  190. I wonder if the girls on "16 and Pregnant" will come back and be on "32 and a Grandma" …
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  193. 19 Jun Will Ferrel Parody ‏@FillWerrell
  194. I love when a question on a test gives the answer to another question.
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  197. 19 Jun Will Ferrel Parody ‏@FillWerrell
  198. Me: MOM CAN U MAKE ME A SANDWHICH!!! *doesnt hear* *Whispers to myself* "Deaf bitch" Mom: WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU JUST SAY TO ME?
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  201. 19 Jun Will Ferrel Parody ‏@FillWerrell
  202. If laughing was a sport, I'D BE A PRO.
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  205. 19 Jun Will Ferrel Parody ‏@FillWerrell
  206. I cant stand when people say a babies age in months after a year old. "Yeah he's 29 months old" -_- Bitch don't make me do math!!!
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  209. 19 Jun Will Ferrel Parody ‏@FillWerrell
  210. Roses are red, voilets are greener, when I think of you I play with my wiener! :D
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  213. 19 Jun Will Ferrel Parody ‏@FillWerrell
  214. The next time i see "OMG I LOVE YOU WE HAVE TOOOO HANG SOOON :)" on Facebook, someone will die.
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  217. 19 Jun Will Ferrel Parody ‏@FillWerrell
  218. Put a bumper sticker on your car that says "Honk if you have a small penis!" Intentionally cut people off in trafic
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  221. 19 Jun Will Ferrel Parody ‏@FillWerrell
  222. Unexpected drug test? Here are some cool tips to help you pass! http://bit.ly/M1Ey8L #sp
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  225. 19 Jun Will Ferrel Parody ‏@FillWerrell
  226. How scary would it be if the voice inside your head stopped working!
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  229. 19 Jun Will Ferrel Parody ‏@FillWerrell
  230. Clapping the longest during an assembly because you're a fearless bastard
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  233. 19 Jun Will Ferrel Parody ‏@FillWerrell
  234. Boobs are like a lot soda, nobody likes them flat.
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  237. 19 Jun Will Ferrel Parody ‏@FillWerrell
  238. How I finish my presentations: So, um.. yea...
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  241. 19 Jun Will Ferrel Parody ‏@FillWerrell
  242. Everything is 1 million times funnier when your suppust to be quiet.
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  245. 19 Jun Will Ferrel Parody ‏@FillWerrell
  246. Why do porn sites have a facebook share feature?
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  249. 19 Jun Will Ferrel Parody ‏@FillWerrell
  250. Lazy Rule: If you spill water. It will eventually dry.
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  253. 19 Jun Will Ferrel Parody ‏@FillWerrell
  254. AAAAH A COCKROACH! Me: Calm down it's only a roach.. *roach opens wings* Me: HOLY MOTHER OF GOD
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  257. 19 Jun Will Ferrel Parody ‏@FillWerrell
  258. Laundry teaches kids racism.
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  261. 19 Jun Will Ferrel Parody ‏@FillWerrell
  262. Chris Brown and I have a completely opposite understanding of the phrase "I'd hit that"
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  265. 19 Jun Will Ferrel Parody ‏@FillWerrell
  266. Why do they still make phones that aren't iPhones?
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  269. 19 Jun Will Ferrel Parody ‏@FillWerrell
  270. Does having sex with your seatbelt on count as safe sex?
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  273. 19 Jun Will Ferrel Parody ‏@FillWerrell
  274. On a test: ba × n²a² = banana?
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  277. 18 Jun Will Ferrel Parody ‏@FillWerrell
  278. I play the the Wii without using the wrist strap #ThugLyfe
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  281. 18 Jun Will Ferrel Parody ‏@FillWerrell
  282. Asian dads... http://instagr.am/p/L_k2ExR54c/
  283.  View photo
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  285. 17 Jun Will Ferrel Parody ‏@FillWerrell
  286. Its not an awkward phase. Your daughter is just ugly.
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  289. 17 Jun Will Ferrel Parody ‏@FillWerrell
  290. Be careful who you call your friends... I'd rather have 4 quarters than 100 pennies.
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  293. 17 Jun Will Ferrel Parody ‏@FillWerrell
  294. I wonder if Buzz and Woody ever met some of Andy's mom's toys. Especially since they probably have the same names…
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  297. 17 Jun Will Ferrel Parody ‏@FillWerrell
  298. Theres a button on my microwave that says "stop time". I assume it means the timer but I don't touch it, just in case
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  301. 17 Jun Will Ferrel Parody ‏@FillWerrell
  302. 4xy+5x+-2b = b²-_5x "Fuck this shit, I'll work at McDonalds"
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  305. 17 Jun Will Ferrel Parody ‏@FillWerrell
  306. When someone rings the doorbell why do dogs always assume its for them?
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  309. 17 Jun Will Ferrel Parody ‏@FillWerrell
  310. *3am text message* "Hey are you asleep?" - "No I'm scuba diving, what the fuck do you want?"
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  313. 17 Jun Will Ferrel Parody ‏@FillWerrell
  314. I got expelled from the public library for putting all the "womens rights" books in the fiction section.
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  317. 17 Jun Will Ferrel Parody ‏@FillWerrell
  318. Some people deserve eggs thrown at them... brick shaped eggs... made of bricks.
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  321. 17 Jun Will Ferrel Parody ‏@FillWerrell
  322. The awkward moment when 2 pedophiles talk to each other on Facebook pretending to be kids, & meet up somewhere…
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  325. 17 Jun Will Ferrel Parody ‏@FillWerrell
  326. Why is that in girls tampon commercials they dance and laugh? Shouldn't they be revving chainsaws and burning shit down?
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  329. 17 Jun Will Ferrel Parody ‏@FillWerrell
  330. Hacked my mom's profile, and posted "I love you _" on my own wall. She deleted it… ( ._.)
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  333. 17 Jun Will Ferrel Parody ‏@FillWerrell
  334. There are 12 months in a year, 365 days in 12 months, but only 24 hours in a day. Except on Monday. That mother fucker has at least 30.
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  337. 17 Jun Will Ferrel Parody ‏@FillWerrell
  338. Admit it, you should be doing something else important right now... but you came to twitter instead.
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  341. 17 Jun Will Ferrel Parody ‏@FillWerrell
  342. "Dude look at that!" *steals french fry* "What?" "Never mind."
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  345. 17 Jun Will Ferrel Parody ‏@FillWerrell
  346. Looking at Facebook comments you made over a year ago and thinking how could you possibly be that stupid
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  349. 17 Jun Will Ferrel Parody ‏@FillWerrell
  350. I remember the times before Twitter... when I actually went out side and did stuff
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  353. 17 Jun Will Ferrel Parody ‏@FillWerrell
  354. If twin females marry twin males, and they both have a child, will both children look the exact same? MIND = BLOWN
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  357. 17 Jun Will Ferrel Parody ‏@FillWerrell
  358. I have a eating disorder... I be eating DIS oder of fries, DIS order of nuggets, and DIS order of wings!
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  361. 17 Jun Will Ferrel Parody ‏@FillWerrell
  362. Serena Williams is like Godzilla and the rest of women's tennis is Tokyo.
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  365. 17 Jun Will Ferrel Parody ‏@FillWerrell
  366. Nothing is more disappointing than a birthday card with no money inside.
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  369. 16 Jun Will Ferrel Parody ‏@FillWerrell
  370. Can you match these famous logos to their brands? I only missed 2! See if you can beat me! http://ow.ly/bC8B9 #sp
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  373. 16 Jun Will Ferrel Parody ‏@FillWerrell
  374. "WHO THE FUCK TOOK MY.., oh.. Here it is.. "
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  377. 16 Jun Will Ferrel Parody ‏@FillWerrell
  378. BITCH I'LL BURN THIS MOTHER FUCKER TO THE GROUND NOW WHERE IS IT? Sir, calm down your toy is under the McNuggets.
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  381. 16 Jun Will Ferrel Parody ‏@FillWerrell
  382. Fat City Bitch. Fat Fat City Bitch Ten Ten Doughnuts and a Twinkie Bitch. VIP Micky D's No Guest List.
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  385. 16 Jun Will Ferrel Parody ‏@FillWerrell
  386. Best friends have conversations impossible to understand by other people.
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  389. 16 Jun Will Ferrel Parody ‏@FillWerrell
  390. That awkward moment when someones Facebook profile picture is THIS! http://ow.ly/bC8ut #sp
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  393. 16 Jun Will Ferrel Parody ‏@FillWerrell
  394. Place a STUDENT DRIVER sign on top of your car, and suddenly nobody suspects you of drunk driving.
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  397. 16 Jun Will Ferrel Parody ‏@FillWerrell
  398. Name your iPod 'Titanic', plug it into the computer, "Titanic is syncing", press cancel, feel like a hero.
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  401. 16 Jun Will Ferrel Parody ‏@FillWerrell
  402. Boy: "Want to hear a joke about my dick? Never mind, its too long." Girl: "Wanna hear a joke about my pussy? Never mind, you won't get it"
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  405. 16 Jun Will Ferrel Parody ‏@FillWerrell
  406. Gas Gas Gas Gas Gas Gas Gas Gas Gas Gas Gas Gas Gas Gas Gas Gas Gas Gas Gas Gas Gas Gas .. STOP .. Now Make Them Muthafuckin Prices Drop!
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  409. 16 Jun Will Ferrel Parody ‏@FillWerrell
  410. Age is just a number… yeah, and jail is just a room.
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  413. 16 Jun Will Ferrel Parody ‏@FillWerrell
  414. You're 13 years old. You smoke. You're not a virgin... And you wear more make-up than you do clothes. Your mother must be so proud.
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  417. 16 Jun Will Ferrel Parody ‏@FillWerrell
  418. I wonder if Asian people put smileys like this ¦)
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  421. 16 Jun Will Ferrel Parody ‏@FillWerrell
  422. I can't believe what these kids turned in on their homework! Check out the Funniest Homework Fails here: http://ow.ly/bC8ii #sp
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  425. 16 Jun Will Ferrel Parody ‏@FillWerrell
  426. A Good Friend: Calls you in jail. A Great Friend: Bails you out of jail. YOUR BEST FRIEND: Sits next to you while saying "What a night"
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  429. 16 Jun Will Ferrel Parody ‏@FillWerrell
  430. I wonder how police on bikes arrest people. “Alright, get in the basket...”
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  433. 16 Jun Will Ferrel Parody ‏@FillWerrell
  434. When you're in bed and you can't sleep so you just lay there making mental movies of perfect scenario's in life.
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  437. 16 Jun Will Ferrel Parody ‏@FillWerrell
  438. You're single? HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH me too.
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  441. 16 Jun Will Ferrel Parody ‏@FillWerrell
  442. Having those weird conversations with your friends & thinking if anyone heard us right now, we'd be put into a mental hospital.
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  445. 16 Jun Will Ferrel Parody ‏@FillWerrell
  446. These people got absolutely destroyed by autocorrect! These pictures are HILARIOUS! See them here: http://ow.ly/bC89B #sp
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  449. 16 Jun Will Ferrel Parody ‏@FillWerrell
  450. If I'm on a date & it's bad, I'm just gonna stand up & say, "I'm an actor, they're all actors, & you're on MTV's Disaster Date!" & RUN out.
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  453. 16 Jun Will Ferrel Parody ‏@FillWerrell
  454. Retweeting a subtweet that’s about you because you are a fearless bastard.
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  457. 16 Jun Will Ferrel Parody ‏@FillWerrell
  458. Nice one Captain Obvious. You're welcome, Sergeant Sarcasm! Indeed, Comrade Comeback.Thank you, Senior Smartass. Anytime, Dictator Dickhead.
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  461. 16 Jun Will Ferrel Parody ‏@FillWerrell
  462. I hate how after an argument, I think of the best stuff I could've said.
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  465. 16 Jun Will Ferrel Parody ‏@FillWerrell
  466. Everything is funnier if you are not allowed to laugh.
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  469. 16 Jun Will Ferrel Parody ‏@FillWerrell
  470. Saying "I'm almost there" when you actually haven't even left the house.
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  473. 16 Jun Will Ferrel Parody ‏@FillWerrell
  474. RETWEET and see what happens! ██████████████████████████████​ ██████████████████████████████​ ██████████████████████████████
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  477. 16 Jun Will Ferrel Parody ‏@FillWerrell
  478. Hahaha http://instagr.am/p/L5uVhyR54Q/
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  481. 15 Jun Will Ferrel Parody ‏@FillWerrell
  482. A jealous woman does better research than the FBI.
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  485. 15 Jun Will Ferrel Parody ‏@FillWerrell
  486. Throwing random things at people and acting like it wasn't you.
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  489. 15 Jun Will Ferrel Parody ‏@FillWerrell
  490. LOL! Next time I have homework I am doing this!! Check out what these kids put on their homework! Too funny! http://ow.ly/bAmwf #sp
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  493. 15 Jun Will Ferrel Parody ‏@FillWerrell
  494. Retweet if you like food more than people.
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  497. 15 Jun Will Ferrel Parody ‏@FillWerrell
  498. Think of a number. Double it. Add six. Half it. Take away the number you started with. Your answer is three. RT if Your Mind = blown.
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  501. 15 Jun Will Ferrel Parody ‏@FillWerrell
  502. Once I put on my headphones, my life becomes a music video.
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  505. 15 Jun Will Ferrel Parody ‏@FillWerrell
  506. Ghetto word of the day: Bishop. My girlfriend fell down, so I picked that bishop.
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  509. 15 Jun Will Ferrel Parody ‏@FillWerrell
  510. Your ex asking to be friends after a break up is like... Kidnappers asking you to "keep in touch" after letting you go.
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  513. 15 Jun Will Ferrel Parody ‏@FillWerrell
  514. Next time a blocked number calls you answer like this: "Jim's whore house. You got the dough, we got the hoe."
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  517. 15 Jun Will Ferrel Parody ‏@FillWerrell
  518. TWINKLE TWINKLE LITTLE WHORE you're at school, not Jersey Shore. you're a slutty, orange mess PLEASE GO FIND A LONGER DRESS.
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  521. 15 Jun Will Ferrel Parody ‏@FillWerrell
  522. Check out the top 10 tattoos worst tattoos ever! See them here: http://ow.ly/bAmkY #sp
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  525. 15 Jun Will Ferrel Parody ‏@FillWerrell
  526. Shut up bitch, your birth certificate is an apology letter from the condom factory.
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  529. 15 Jun Will Ferrel Parody ‏@FillWerrell
  530. My Vocabulary = 50% swearing, 50% sarcasm.
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  533. 15 Jun Will Ferrel Parody ‏@FillWerrell
  534. 2,800 teenage girls get pregnant everyday. Retweet if you like pancakes.
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  537. 15 Jun Will Ferrel Parody ‏@FillWerrell
  538. Hitting your hip on a corner and feeling like you've been shot.
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  541. 15 Jun Will Ferrel Parody ‏@FillWerrell
  542. I don't hate you or anything, but if you were on fire and I had a glass of water, I'd drink it.
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  545. 15 Jun Will Ferrel Parody ‏@FillWerrell
  546. Check out the best of autocorrects! These people got OWNED! #2 is hilarious! See them here: http://ow.ly/bAnpJ #sp
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  549. 15 Jun Will Ferrel Parody ‏@FillWerrell
  550. My mouth automatically says "shit" when something wrong happens.
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  553. 15 Jun Will Ferrel Parody ‏@FillWerrell
  554. I hate it when I'm eating cereal and the last three pieces are like "Bitch, catch me if you can!"
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  557. 15 Jun Will Ferrel Parody ‏@FillWerrell
  558. They said the world is going to end this year... Pssh They can barely predict the weather.
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  561. 15 Jun Will Ferrel Parody ‏@FillWerrell
  562. 5 words that scare the hell out of me in horror movies, "Based on a True story."
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